in the autumn shade

I mean, I'm happy. I'm comfortable. I love my life. It's exactly what I want it to be and no one can stop me from doing what I love. But things are just strange. I'm probably going to ramble now so brace yourself.

Me and one of my roommates were told to get out of our current living arrangements in 90 days. One left already. I'm still here. I'm looking for apartments. I'm excited for what life has in store for me.

However, the whole "get out in 90 days" thing was revoked. So now I can stay here. And it costs less than getting my own place. But I think my sanity would prefer that I leave.

But also, my sanity would prefer that I stay.

This is why. My life is very simple right now to begin with. I go to work. I come home. I eat. I listen to music and drink beer. I write poetry. And then I go to bed. Right now I'm back into my anti-social .. ditch? I guess you could call it a ditch.

I pretty much hate everyone and everything. And the thing that makes me happiest is just staying in my room or being alone. Sometimes Keith will come over and we just sit around and hate everything together.

I feel like if I get my own apartment, I'll be even more anti-social than I am already. Which, I guess is okay because as I said, I love my life and I'm happy being anti-social.

But this isn't normal. And.. fuck.. you all know that I'm definitely not normal. But I don't want to be that abnormal. Even though I know I'd love it. The thought of having my own place and piling myself under my comforter on the floor with a candle or two lit, some music playing softly, and .. that's it really.. just fills me with peace.

I don't want to talk to people, I don't want to interact with people too often (now and then a bar trip is nice), and I don't really want to do anything. I just want to be. If that makes sense. I just want to lay on the floor wearing ten pounds of cozy comfy clothes, play Kara Jayne on repeat, paint my nails, and stare out a window. That's it really.

I wouldn't have any regrets you know, if I died tomorrow. I don't feel like this is wasting my life. I feel like it's me living it to the fullest. I'm just being myself. And myself just doesn't like being around humans that much right now.