Lately

It's 7:40 and I'm eating a muffin. And drinking cold black tea.

I'm thinking.

Do people love you for your faults or do they love the things around them and try to ignore the faults?

I hope it's the first one, not the second.

*sigh*

I think I must be insane, because you know how people use sun boxes to get around seasonal depression in the winter?

Well, I think I need a snow box.

For some reason, in the summer I tend to become a little bag of insecurities and confusion.

Can I move to Alaska now? (Far away from the Palin residence).

It's pretty sad that I'm even feeling too insecure to post this.

Oh fuck it.

Why am I afraid to be myself anymore? I never hide myself. I'm ME 100%.. but I just worry that people don't like ME.

Little flowers.

I gave myself an extremely pretty pedicure today, I must say. My nails are a pretty bright pink color and I put little flowers on them.

Salmon. Ugh.

I have been very unhealthy recently so I thought I'd try out a 7-day healthy detox program that I found online. It contains meals comprised of fruits, veggies, nuts, and fish, along with tons and tons of water. After 7 days I'm supposed to feel fresh and wonderful.

And no, don't call it a "diet." My tummy is as flat as a wall right now, so I have no business doing any of the dieting stuff unless I plan on becoming anorexic. Besides, if you saw me eat right now, you'd laugh at calling it a diet. I feel like I just ate a whole acre's worth of green beans.

So yeah, every time Kevin calls it a "diet," I correct him.

I'm on Day 2. Day 1 was fine. By the end of the day, I went on a bit of a chocolate binge, but I don't mind. I still ate much healthier than normal, and that's all I was asking for. And as I told Kevin, "I'm sure I'll get better as the days go on." And it's true! I've had much less unhealthy snacking today!

There are two problems that I've run into with this system. Problem one: Eating fish.

Now, I like some dishes at my local Red Lobster, but overall, I'm just not a fish person. For two days in a row though, I've been cooking up some salmon as a part of the program. And let me tell you, about half of it has been going to waste. I can't even get through a whole filet! Generally I just don't like the taste of fish.

Maybe it's because I fished a lot as a little girl? I don't know. It's just weird eating something that you've previously pulled out of Lake Ontario with blood running down the side of it's mouth. And they eat BUGS. EWW.

Another issue is that drinking 8 glasses of water a day is fucking impossible. At least to me. Was that rule made for my tiny little 5ft tall body? So far I've only been able to down about 5 glasses a day. And after that, I feel like I'm peeing every 2 seconds.

Oh, and another issue is that my water filter isn't working properly so my water tastes like crap right now. So I've been putting in some artificial sweetener to try to mask the disgustingness. But now I feel like a Christmas tree because I'm drinking sugar water.

Anyway, I'm glad that I'm doing this. Yes, I'm not sticking exactly to it. I've eaten an M&M or two, and even took a trip to Sonic with Kevin for a shake and some of their crappy little French toast sticks. But you know what, I've eaten much healthier over the last few days, and I think my body is going to be very thankful when these 7 days are up.

And after the 7 days, I'm hoping that some of the healthy habits stick. But in reality, I'm never going to get rid of my sweet tooth. It's all about learning moderation for me.

Rambling Girl

My intentions for writing this post is to ramble, so if you get bored, don't say I didn't warn you.

So, what's on my mind today?

Well, first of all, I'm a bit bummed. Tomorrow my favorite local band is headlining a festival and I thought I was going to the shore, so I didn't make plans. I can hardly get my friends to pull their asses out of bed for things that I tell them about 20 million months in advance.. so I'm not going to bother trying to find a festival partner. I'm going to skip this one. I feel bad. The bassist sent me a message, telling me that they miss me and wanted me to be there.

(Probably because I'm a psycho bitch who pushes my ass up to the front row and sings and dances like a crazy person with a yummy Screwdriver in my hand.)

What else? Last night I bought La Roux tickets. I was going to go by myself, but after some research, I found out that my friend really likes her so now we're going together. I'm heading to the city today to get discount parking tickets. Because parking in Philly is a bitch.

Actually, speaking about Philly parking.. how does the whole teacher parking thing work in Philly? Do you have to fend for yourself?! I start teaching at a middle school on Cottman Avenue this September. The whole parking issue is scaring me, because I've seen many hit and runs in Philadelphia (and actually have been in one, thanks to my wonderful friend Cassie who wouldn't listen to my parking instructions).

I've been on Cottman Avenue plenty of times but I really don't pay attention to anything. I wish I would've, because then I would know about this whole parking thing. Maybe I'll stop by today. I can't believe I'm teaching in a school in Killadelphia and I'm concerned about parking... lmao.

I just tried searching "Cottman Avenue" on Google and the first thing that pops up is "Cottman Avenue murders." Greaaat.

I did research in a Philly school once and they did this poetry assignment and nearly every poem was about murder, drugs, and being poor. I feel so bad for these kids. They were only in 7th grade. They were such sweethearts too. They called me "Miss Nicole." I'm not going to lie, I've worked in suburban schools in the past and I think I greatly preferred the city kids.

I like the fact that I get to teach them English. I have the opportunity to allow them to express themselves. To be honest, seeing them write about that stuff made me kind of happy, because at least they were getting it out somewhere. And you know what, they were all extremely talented with words. Maybe not spelling and mechanics.. but these were actual POEMS.

It was cute. One day I got up in front of class and asked them how many of them wanted to go to college. Every single kid raised their hand. It made me smile. I ended up taking them on a field trip to my college and they loved it.

I have a bunch of silly stories from my days at that school. It's when I finally decided to teach 7th and 8th graders as opposed to high school students. They made me fall in love with them!

Anyway. Kevin and my dad are going fishing tonight so what should I do? I guess it depends on how late they go. I guess they're going night fishing. If that's the case, I'm plopping my lazy butt into bed and relaxing.

I Feel So Bad...

I feel so bad for my boss. She invited us all out to go bowling on Sunday, and she was gonna pay. I couldn't go because I had plans. She's not well liked by everyone, but she's truly a sweetheart. She's just rough on us sometimes because the store isn't getting enough customers.

She got there on Sunday and waited. She waited for 30 minutes and not one person showed up. She drove 45 minutes and not one person called her to let her know that they weren't coming.

She went bowling by herself.

I feel so bad for her. She's having a rough time right now on top of things. Her teenage daughter got into a car accident with a motorcyclist and he died. That must be so rough to deal with.

I hope she has nothing but good things happen to her, because she deserves it.

Sort of Back

I read celebrity gossip every day because I have nothing better to do in my pathetic life, and a few days ago I stumbled across an article that said, “25 Things You Don't Know About Me: Whitney Port.” I noticed that I haven’t blogged in awhile because I have nothing to share, so I thought this might get me back into the swing of things.

So, here it is: 25 Things You Don’t Know About Me: Nicole Edition

1. I drink fresh squeezed lemonade daily. With every meal.
2. I love listening to music and dancing around my apartment like an idiot while I’m doing things.
3. It freaks me out that everyone poops.
4. I have really bad bruxism. If I don’t wear a night guard, I’m in trouble the next morning.
5. I may come off as a lesbian but I like boys too. I’m just not as vocal about it for Kevin’s sake.
6. I almost always turn down bar invitations. I never need to drink to have fun.
7. I hate talking on the phone. I let my voicemails go unread for weeks sometimes.
8. I drive barefoot most of the time.
9. I deeply appreciate art. Of all forms.
10. I miss my best friend Nick so much. A little piece of my heart flew away to California.
11. I love Kevin. He’s so cute.
12. I haven’t missed a season of Real World since I was a little girl. Yay for trashy reality shows.
13. I don’t like it when Kevin sticks his finger in my belly button.
14. Almost all of my bosses and supervisors that I’ve ever had have called me “Miss Nicole.”
15. Kevin calls me “Freckles.” I love it when he calls me that.
16. I’m losing my jury duty virginity this month.
17. I hate when people slurp their soup. I want to shoot them. Kevin does it.
18. I’m actually pretty confused. Where am I going in life?! Part of me doesn’t worry about it though. I think that’s part of being a 22 year old.
19. My favorite number is 4 because of a stupid Starburst commercial from when I was little.
20. I often get sad when I think about my parents. I rarely think that I’m a good daughter.
21. I love window shopping. I can do it for hours. I go by myself so no one can stop me.
22. Once me and my friend Nick got bored so we peed in the woods together.
23. Kevin makes fun of me and tells me that I have a “mountain accent.” Much nicer than when he used to call it a “hick accent.”
24. Don’t kill me but I like Philadelphia more than NYC. Philly feels like a home. NYC feels like a ... tourist attraction?
25. My family will murder me for the above statement. Most of them are from NYC or have previously lived in NYC.