My mother and I were doing okay. Honestly it was the best relationship we've had in years. I was calling her every day after work and being honest with her. But it was easy to be honest with her because there wasn't anything in my life that could offend her.
I started visiting her more often, I think. At least it felt like I was visiting her more often. Or maybe it was just a feeling of general closeness. Things were feeling like they used to feel.
And then I went on a date.
For the first time in a long time, I didn't even think about calling my mom on the way home from work. Know why? Because I'm excited and the only thing I want to talk about is my date. But my mom would not be okay with that. And don't tell me that maybe I'm wrong, because I know 100% that I'm right.
I talked about my date with Keely, Kyle, and two people at work, hoping to get it out of my system. But they can't provide the feeling that I want. I want to bond with my mom. I want to get excited and gossip about it. I want to tell her what we did and everything about the girl that I went out with.
The other day my mom told me that one day I may love someone and want to have a baby. No, I do not want to have a baby. I've never wanted to have a baby. I told her that it's not going to happen. The only thing I'd even consider would be adopting an older child one day many many years from now. But honestly that wasn't what bothered me the most.
What bothered me the most is that she was hinting at the fact that she still thinks I'll end up with a guy.
So what am I going to do? Avoid my mom for now, until a better option surfaces. Discussing my date will only put me back to square one. It took me awhile to get our relationship to where it is. So I'm just going to go into hiding for awhile until I figure out how to handle this. It's sad because it's only been one day and I already miss calling my mom.
In my head it feels like everything fell to shit.
