I could tunnel my head through the jungle and pass by the trees quickly, smile beaming on my nonsense head. I can trip past the rocks while my tight legs run up and down, out and about.
And at the end of that blissful run, I'd find you. Standing there, just being yourself, and that's what I like the most about you. Who you are. The fact that my scatterbrained mind can get lost in the forest and your levelheaded thoughts will capture my sight for longer than anyone else before you.
You complete me.
Sunday, September 27, 2015
Wednesday, September 23, 2015
Flesh
I know what the city feels like against my sticky body. I know what the echoing moans of my desire sound like when they rise into the sky of my apartment. For a solid year now, I haven't been able to think about the gentle touch of a man or a woman or anyone, even myself. I close my eyes and dream of the dirty gutters, the sewer rats running madly upon the graying sidewalks. I think about the cobblestones, the chatter at the corners as the buses turn onto the block. That's the only way I can get an orgasm now - focusing on the concrete jungle that surrounds me.
I don't have any flesh to feel comfortable with. I don't have any warm smiles to help me suffocate in desire, in love.
I don't have any flesh to feel comfortable with. I don't have any warm smiles to help me suffocate in desire, in love.
Sunday, September 13, 2015
5,000 Miles
I hear the sound of the wind mingling with my closed blinds as the autumn breeze sneaks its way through the summer screen.
But the more prominent sound is the sound of my beating heart thumping through my spine, causing the apartment to shake. My head is dizzy with thumps and my eyes exhausted from holding themselves open, so I close them. I breathe in and out real slowly, trying to calm down the earthquakes in my chest, trying to make my head so still that the earth doesn't spin anymore upon the opening of my dry eyes.
I can't help but think of you and your perfect way. I think about a few months ago how I sat in the passenger seat of your black car and held your hand tight, glancing over to look at your beautiful resting lips. The way your eyes were slimmed by the island heat and your soft arms gently brushed against mine now and then as you pulled my arm a little closer. I just wanted to kiss you, so I did, whenever I got the chance.
The bubbled waves gurgled their salt at the edge of where we sat as the sand entered into my veins, flowing directly into my calmly pumping heart. The sun shone down into our sunkissed hair as the sound of smiles went in one ear and out the other, as we only needed our own to keep our eyes firmly planted on each other.
We shared a smoothie together and with each strong sip I would look over to your warm body that was meant to hold mine on the same continent, although we were separated by salt water so deep that we would have to move mountains and build bridges to melt together. I sucked in each second, leaning against my missing puzzle piece, blissfully meditating to the calm stability of your rising and falling chest, each breath perfectly syncing to mine.
I would walk five thousand miles if it meant I got to have you again, and each day I wait for the oceans to dry, eagerly awaiting the moment that I get to be in your arms again. They were seemingly made just to hold me.
But the more prominent sound is the sound of my beating heart thumping through my spine, causing the apartment to shake. My head is dizzy with thumps and my eyes exhausted from holding themselves open, so I close them. I breathe in and out real slowly, trying to calm down the earthquakes in my chest, trying to make my head so still that the earth doesn't spin anymore upon the opening of my dry eyes.
I can't help but think of you and your perfect way. I think about a few months ago how I sat in the passenger seat of your black car and held your hand tight, glancing over to look at your beautiful resting lips. The way your eyes were slimmed by the island heat and your soft arms gently brushed against mine now and then as you pulled my arm a little closer. I just wanted to kiss you, so I did, whenever I got the chance.
The bubbled waves gurgled their salt at the edge of where we sat as the sand entered into my veins, flowing directly into my calmly pumping heart. The sun shone down into our sunkissed hair as the sound of smiles went in one ear and out the other, as we only needed our own to keep our eyes firmly planted on each other.
We shared a smoothie together and with each strong sip I would look over to your warm body that was meant to hold mine on the same continent, although we were separated by salt water so deep that we would have to move mountains and build bridges to melt together. I sucked in each second, leaning against my missing puzzle piece, blissfully meditating to the calm stability of your rising and falling chest, each breath perfectly syncing to mine.
I would walk five thousand miles if it meant I got to have you again, and each day I wait for the oceans to dry, eagerly awaiting the moment that I get to be in your arms again. They were seemingly made just to hold me.
Sunday, September 6, 2015
How it feels
Nothing feels so certain anymore. Not even the wind.. the gentle and sometimes strong ebb and flow of daily structure.
I found hope but then it just dissipated into the summer clouds, raining upon my drained and dry face, sinking into the hopeless wet earth. I'm hoping that the love sinks deep enough to find a seed to grow for someone else, a smile growing on the face of someone who deserves it more than me.
I must have done something absolutely wretched in my past to deserve this emptiness. I look around and see beautiful blowing pastures surrounding me. Friends and family holding tight onto those that they love, when I lie lifeless and alone on my carpet, staring at the white ceiling.. looking for stars.
I often wonder if I'll be this alone forever, an empty slate in an empty quarry, looking up at the people gallivanting on the edges at the top, happiness circling me like hungry vultures... not even trying to tease me with their gently grown love, but unable to detach from what is inherently true.
I try to live vicariously through the ones that I care about.. but sometimes that just isn't enough. I'm still alone at night, soaking in my insomnia as the droning air conditioner fills my brain with the only nighttime noises it knows.
I found hope but then it just dissipated into the summer clouds, raining upon my drained and dry face, sinking into the hopeless wet earth. I'm hoping that the love sinks deep enough to find a seed to grow for someone else, a smile growing on the face of someone who deserves it more than me.
I must have done something absolutely wretched in my past to deserve this emptiness. I look around and see beautiful blowing pastures surrounding me. Friends and family holding tight onto those that they love, when I lie lifeless and alone on my carpet, staring at the white ceiling.. looking for stars.
I often wonder if I'll be this alone forever, an empty slate in an empty quarry, looking up at the people gallivanting on the edges at the top, happiness circling me like hungry vultures... not even trying to tease me with their gently grown love, but unable to detach from what is inherently true.
I try to live vicariously through the ones that I care about.. but sometimes that just isn't enough. I'm still alone at night, soaking in my insomnia as the droning air conditioner fills my brain with the only nighttime noises it knows.
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