I woke up in this blizzard surrounding my warm, cozy apartment and made a breakfast for one. I brewed one cup of coffee in my french press, I poured one glass of orange juice. I exercised, I watched television, I read a novel. And then you called and the world over here was put on hold. The snow stopped falling. My show was on pause. I left the dishes in the sink.
Your voice calms my quickly beating heart to a nice, even, perfect pace. I miss your beautiful eyes more than I've ever missed anything. I miss your gentle touch, the way you wrap your legs around mine under the blanket. That beautiful smile you left me with, that broke my heart the first time I saw it tore a chunk out of my soul when you left, flying fast into the winter sky.
I don't know how to go on without you, some days. I wish you were here. I wish I could pour your favorite tea, massage your aching back, kiss those perfect lips. I overuse the word perfect when describing you, because that's what you are to me. Each piece of your body was made for me, it seems. Every section of your soul, feeding my hungry heart, building a strong, firm smile on my resting face.
I can't wait for you to come here. But all the best things in life are worth the wait. Each minute, second, millisecond bringing me one instant closer to your gentle kisses. There isn't a single thing I would change about you.
I feel like everything has finally come full circle. Mom always said blood is thicker than water. I love my family with every bit of the love that roams through my body. When they smile, I smile. When they're sad, I want nothing more than to help them lift the sides of their drooping lips. But I've always loved my friends, thinking of them as an extension of my family- never to be lost or forgotten. Always to be loved, even when they pissed me off.
And now here I am, alone in my warm apartment looking around wondering what I have done with my 28 years. It's clear that I've figured it out. I know now what is important. Myself, my family, my friends, the man who has stolen my heart from 5,000 miles away. In these 28 years I've built a career that I'll never lose, a history that will never be taken away from me. I am building something, is what I'm doing. I'm alone now, and it sucks.
But at the same time the silence is so peaceful. I feel as though this is the calm before the storm, and I must enjoy every second. There's a beautiful blizzard on it's way, and I'm going to enjoy every second of that too, because that is what I've been waiting for.
I'm hoping that one day my patience will pay off. I'm hoping that one day I'll be surrounded by the people that I love. I hope that one day this all makes sense.
What I know right now is that I miss you. I want you to lead me to my beautiful blizzard.
