Scheiße

I feel so strong here of late. Like the only person who can knock me down is myself. This is the way to be. I've always craved this freedom and self-reliability.

Anyway, I was allowed to join in on man-time Sunday night. The boys usually have a no-lesbian policy. Our night consisted of hookah, homemade bread, tiki torches, a trip to Manayunk for some shots, and midnight waffles with lingonberry syrup.

Best of all, the boys didn't regret inviting me.

Keith got so wasted and he just speaks so incredibly fast without thinking when he's drunk. We were in the car and there was a weird smell from the outside and drunk Kevin said "Keith farted" and without any effort at all Keith just blurts out "I swear to fuck on the Spaghetti Jesus God I did not fart!"

Seriously? Who comes back with something like that in less than a second?

But anyway, Saturday night was nice. I spent time with Keith, Tom, Katelyn, and way too many vodka shots. We went to New Hope. Which was gay. No pun intended. But really though, it was nice going out for drinks with some straight friends while also being surrounded by rainbow flags and old queens. I drank so incredibly much. I really wonder how I can consume so much alcohol without puking all over.

Really. I'm a tiny girl. Sometimes it goes straight to me, but most of the time I can drink pretty much for a girl of my size.

When I date a girl, one of the requirements is that she is not a light weight. I know that's weird, but light weights aren't attractive to me. I like a girl who can drink. It's kind of like how helpless women aren't attractive to me. I like a woman who can take care of herself.

And holy mother fucking shit I am just rambling and rambling.

In other news, I started working out again and after four days I already lost three pounds. My body is just made to be fit, I swear. It takes no time for me to whip back into shape.

Ice Wine

Last night was the most relaxing, yet fun night I've had in a long time. I met up with my friend Keely at an Irish pub. Her friend Troy tagged along. Within five minutes of being in the pub we met three people who hung out with us and acted like they knew us their entire lives.

One of them turns to Keely, who is obviously gay, and goes, "So I'm guessing you're a lesbian, right?"

Which led to a lot of funny questions that men typically ask lesbians. We ended up getting free shots out of it.

At one point one of the guys goes, "I bet girls are a lot more in touch with what makes another girl feel good. Us guys are all *rubs my head in a very vicious fashion while moaning* 'why isn't she feeling this?!' "

Too funny. They were even more amused after they found out that I was a lesbian too. They asked if me if I was Keely's girlfriend. Troy cut in and yelled, "No I'm Keely's girlfriend!"

Keely and Troy were so much fun. Vegetarian hipsters. Keely is all feminist and whatnot, you can tell. You walk into her apartment and it's covered in paintings and pictures of women being all strong. I actually love it. Her apartment is so awesome.

We played scrabble, drank ice wine, and walked her dog. Overall it was a very nice night.

Chocolate covered 4am swamp adventures

Keith and I have had so many drunken adventures. We had a new one last night. We got lost in a swamp in the woods in a storm at 4 in the morning drenched in hot chocolate. We had to use his iPhone light to navigate. It took us forever to get out. Or as Keith put it, "I feel like we just walked to fucking Mecca."

There was an abandoned building on the way and I'm not going to lie, it made me a bit nervous. Despite our location, I've seen homeless people wander this far from the city. I don't want to die soaking wet and drunk in a swamp drenched in hot chocolate while being knifed by a homeless man. That wouldn't be cool.

My roommate ended up on the VIP list for a Maxim party last night and so we got home to a fully awake house with some random stranger on the front lawn.

"Hi my name is Nicole and I live here." I shook his hand. And then he hooked up with some girl out there. So random. We locked them out but an always-shirtless guy named Averil that was hanging out at the house let the girl in to sleep on our couch.

That guy is always shirtless, I swear. He's like some Abercromie & Fitch type that I even see driving shirtless. With his Aviators on. Nice guy though.

Keith fell asleep on my floor in soaking wet chocolate covered clothes and he was snoring so loud. All night I was throwing things at him to get him to stop. We had so much fun last night. We went to a dingy 1%er bar and danced our butts off. We were the only two dancing. It was fun.

Then we rocked out to the Backstreet Boys in the back seat of Shannon's car.

Keith: "Is it gay that I know all of the words to these songs?"
Me: "Yes Keith. You're such a lesbian."

Marinated in beer

My friend Keith is known around town as Badass. When I go out dancing with him on Fridays, I hear "Badass" coming from all directions. However, in our household he's known as Drama. He is the most dramatic guy I've ever met. Here's a prime example:

Keith, Nikki and I were in Philadelphia on our way home from Bruno's show. Keith was stopped at a red light texting a girl that he likes.

Me: "Keeeeeith! Is that your girrrrrl?! You better share her with me!"

Bam. That's all it took. Next thing I know, all of our friends are approaching me about how Keith thinks I'm trying to steal his lady and how I want a threesome or a polygamous relationship with him. Kevin said he stomped into the kitchen and angrily said, "Yo, I think Nicole wants to have sex with my girl. That's FUCKED up!"

We just laugh at him. We corner him, call him out, and then joke about it.

Anyway, last night was fucking amazing. I went out with Keith, Kevin, Shannon, and Alex. Shannon knew the bartender so I had drinks getting handed to me every 10 minutes. Not to mention that the boys kept giving me sips of their drinks while I was dancing with them. We all danced our butts off.

At one point Alex tried pouring his beer into my mouth and I had a bit of an explosion which left me absolutely drenched in Corona. Shirt, bra, pants, hair.. everywhere. I laughed and kept dancing.

I woke up at 7 in the morning fully clothed, still damp from beer, and pulled myself into work.

Best. Cinco de Mayo. EVER.

Oh and Drama and I celebrated our unbirthday yesterday: