Life isn't easy. I'm talking to my ex Chris about how I've evolved over the last two years. I remember somewhere in those two years I sat on my stoop. I had eyeliner running down my face, lipstick smears on my cheeks, a cigar in my hand, and a bottle of wine in my tummy. I looked defeated. I was played, I was hurt by my family, I hurt my family, and I was having hallucinations that resulted in me locking myself in my apartment now and then.
It was rough.
But who am I now? I'm a strong woman. I feel weak as shit because Andrew broke my heart, but that's normal. I have a great job, I have a great connection with my family, I have the best friends a girl could ask for, I have hobbies, I take care of my body, I don't drink much, I call my mom and dad every day, I travel to every part of the city on a weekly basis, I relax every Sunday with a Sangria and nachos outside at a bar, I pay my bills, I only have student debt, I have my beautiful grandmother to love, I have excellent references at every place I've ever worked, I love who I am, and most importantly, I know who I am.
But I'm very sad. I miss him very much. Every fucking day. I sit here and my friends make me talk about the things that were bad about him. I used to struggle but now I can recite them like the ABCs. But it doesn't help... because I know deep down that I had to search for those. That they were hidden deep under the many many great things about Andrew. He just didn't want to be with me. That hurts.
Everyone keeps saying, "His loss." Ha, his loss. You sure about that? I think he's doing great without me.
I guess theoretically I'm doing great without him too. But holy shit do I want him back. He doesn't want me. Hard to stop thinking, "What's wrong with me?"
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