I'm 24 years old and things have changed so much since last year, when I was 23. When I was 23, life was crazy. I drank too much, I cried too much.. but I did have the most fun I've ever had in my entire life. And I had so few responsibilities. I lived with amazing people, I had amazing friends. I spent a lot of time improving my writing skill. Life was crazy, life was sad.. but life was also good. Really good.
And tonight I felt that stability that I used to feel. The feeling that life is so amazing and life is so perfect.
Back when I lived with the boys, a year ago, I had about a million less responsibilities. And I remember driving to Keely's place late at night and not coming home until 6 in the morning, just to leave for work in an hour. I remember Keith coming over, large gatherings at the house, getting tossed onto the pool table in front of a bunch of people in my residence that I didn't know. It was such a free feeling. Calling up my friends to go on walks to nowhere at 4 in the morning. Going out dancing until the bar closed on random days (like Wednesday) just to nearly die at work the next day. I remember cruising all over the place, like New Hope.
Things were so free. And tonight.. TONIGHT I felt free. The most free I felt in a long time.
When I lived with the boys I'd often wake up at strange hours of the night and go on cruises by myself. The boys would ask me where I was going and I'd say "I don't know, around." And that's what I'd do. I'd drive around. Sometimes at 10pm, sometimes at 3am, sometimes I didn't even know what time it was. I'd just go with no destination in mind.
Tonight, I did just that. And I drove around some of the same places that I used to go (which happen to be closer to my new apartment now). And these places made me feel the same way that they used to make me feel.. only now it felt more intense. Because now I'm at a more comfortable place in my life.
It felt so good. I just wanted to drive around forever. Every time I saw a turn that looked pleasing, I'd take it. You know, driving slow with the windows down at the music blaring. Nice comfy clothes.
Things can only get better from here, because now I recognize that I'm still the same person that I was a year ago. Only now I'm a lot wiser, and I make a lot less mistakes. Things can feel just as free as they used to, only a little less crazy.
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