Sometimes everything I say is unpoetic. But sometimes I want my words to be as beautiful as they feel. I can't find the beautiful words tonight. Every word feels dirty, used, unoriginal. I feel like I'm not a poet tonight. I'm just a girl. A hurt one. I'm going to ask myself a question, and then I'm going to answer it.
Why did I do it?
Well, here's why. I let my guards down because I'm ready to let them down. I let them down, however, for the wrong person. I let them down for the person who isn't close enough to my heart yet. Because I feel like the person closest to my heart can break it in the most damaging way. I want to hold her face in my hands and kiss her soft lips. Run my hands through her soft pretty hair. Tell her she's perfect in every single way. But I picked him instead, the other one, to focus my attention on. The one that I haven't fallen for yet, but the one that has me pretty close to the edge, nearly about to leap into a free fall.
Why did I do it though? What is it in a person's life that makes you ready now, but not ready five months ago? What is it that makes you choose one person over another? It's strange, isn't it? How in control we are over our lives. Fate, destiny.. I never believed in that shit. And being single for two years has only made me believe in it less.
Nothing is ever perfect. No one is ever the one for you. Life is made up of concrete decisions that lead you to where you end up. You are in full control of your own life. You never ever have the fucking right to bitch.. because if you're in a position where you need to bitch, you're doing something wrong.
Change. It takes time for things to end up where you want them.. but they'll never get there if you don't take action, you know?
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