Skyscrapers

Being an adult is a strange thing that I'm not yet accustomed to.  I feel like I grew up at the blink of an eye.  And I remember the moment where it dawned on me.  I just got out of work an hour late.  I was feeling the adrenaline rush that I always do after a day of court emergencies, difficult defense counsel issues, and intense client interactions.

On a normal day, when I get out of work I march out of the office and hop on the elevator.  I'm surrounded by men and women in business suits and a few in scrubs (as there's an urgent care facility in our 9-story building).
 
As I leave the elevator, I hear my high heels clip-clopping on the hard floor, and I leave the shiny glass windows behind me and get into my silver SUV.  It's shiny on the inside.  When I sit down I feel like I'm still moving.  I can almost feel the blood rushing because the day was so good.  Something about interrogatories, negotiating with judges, and running around the office collecting Exhibit "A" and Exhibit "B" really gets me going.  And I don't stop.  I don't wind down for a few hours.

So I drive right over to the Acme to get a salad, because I have too many things to do during the night and I need to eat NOW.  I experience this frequently. I pull into the dark underground parking garage and walk into the Acme that might seem a little sketchy- but I've lived in a sketchy neighborhood long enough now that it doesn't phase me.

And the day where it dawned on me, when I realized that I grew up at the blink of an eye, I had already walked to the second floor of the Acme and my high heels were clip-clopping loudly and quickly on the grocery store floor.  I was a woman on a mission, dressed nicely in my Banana Republic outfit, quickly slipping through the slow moving shoppers with a look of authority.  People were moving out of my way to let me get to wherever the hell it was that I was going.  I was holding onto my wallet in my hand because I didn't want to be bothered with a purse.

And I don't know, but when I got to the frozen food aisle right before the salad bar, it hit me.  And I felt a smile come across my face.  A question popped up in my head.  "WHEN did I become this person?!  It's like I'm an.. adult!"

I was telling my mom tonight while I was driving home from a mall in northeast Philly, "Mom, I feel like I accomplished a lot and I didn't even try.  It's weird.  How did I become this person?"

Jesus, I'm a personal injury paralegal now.  I have a degree- I double majored in college.  I passed my Praxis, I'm a certified teacher.  I spent my night tonight researching stocks because I want to start investing in the near future, and I consider this FUN.  I talked to my dad on the phone about 401ks and how my big goal now, outside of my salary goal for 2017, is to become a law firm administrator or director of operations in about 15 years or so.

When did I become this person?  This person who keeps telling people, "Yes, I'll go golfing with you.  I have custom-made golf clubs."  The person who has enough free time on her hands outside of all of this hard work that she takes the time to work hard on her passion- poetry, and post it online for other people to enjoy.

When did I become this person?  The girl living in a big city in one of the nicest neighborhoods Philly has to offer, saying, "Oh yes, I'm going to Hawaii next year.  Maybe Australia too."  And to know that one is definite and the other is completely plausible (I might skip out on it though- invest that money in a stock and hopefully get a nice return, and have an even better two vacations in 2015).

I don't know who this girl is but I do love her.  I do.  I love myself.  You know, I had my heart broken badly but you know, therapy is healing those wounds and making me an even stronger woman than I was to begin with.  One that I can be extremely proud of.  One that I would have never become if he was still in my life.  Beautiful things are coming my way, I'm sure.  Heartbreak is one of those things- it needs to happen.  It had to happen at some point.  Hearts are fragile and you need to build up some scar tissue to really truly reach your highest potential.

I have faith in myself.  If I keep going to counseling, start taking smart financial risks, continue to grow professionally, I am going to have a beautiful life one day.  Actually, it's getting more and more beautiful every single day.  I am lucky.

I have both of my parents.  They're healthy and happy.  That right there is enough to be incredibly thankful for.  I love them so much and I should never ever forget to cherish each second that I have with them.  And I make them proud, I know I do.  But I'm not done.  I have much more to make them proud about, I know it.