fuck it all

I need to vent. Really bad. This is going to be horribly written. I'm not going to edit it. I'm not going to cut shit out or whatever, it is what it is. My grammar will suck, my syntax will suck, my diction will suck even more, but that's okay. I need to get this motherfucking shit out.

I both incredibly love and incredibly hate my life at the same time.

Let me start with the positive. I love the crap out of my life. I love my friends, I love my adventures, I love my new found alcoholism (deal with it), I love myself, I love where I live, I love my whole situation, I love everything about myself. I'm happy. I have fun. I'm irresponsible. I don't give a shit. I do what I want when I want to do it. I make out with girls for giggles. I go on tons of dates. I sit around the hookah with my roomies and laugh my troubles away. I have naughty webcam adventures with my best friend and eat way too much fucking ice cream and whatever, I don't care. I'll eat it all. I work out and I love my body. I love sex but I'm not a whore. I don't like casual sex but I don't deprive myself either. I make mistakes. I make really fucking big mistakes like being the cause of my two engaged friends breaking up. I couldn't help it, I was drunk. I love my mistakes. I hate the fact that there are videos out there that might haunt me for years to come, but oh fucking well. It was worth the moment of freedom. And you know what, that freedom makes me smile. Every mistake was worth it in the end.

I really do not giving a flying fuck about anything.

Except my parents.

My parents are the only ones who bring me down. The only ones who make me cry. The only ones who make me hate my fucking life and want to die. My mother was my best friend in the whole entire world and she has abandoned me. My dad was always there for me when my mother wasn't and he's avoiding me like I have the bubonic plague or something.

I feel like an orphan. I feel so alone and unloved. I don't understand it at all. I'm a good person. I'm a great daughter. What does it matter if I like girls? My mother is fucking stupid. Absolutely stupid for tossing away our relationship over something so fucking incredibly insignificant.

I don't have parents anymore. I have myself. And I plan on being as fucking reckless as possible over the next few days to get over my misery. I don't give two flying fucks about consequences. Bring on the shots. I'm starting by going to Keely's house for some drinks. And I don't care if I go to work tomorrow morning puking all over the place. FUCK IT ALL.