Pride.

I wanted to go to Philly Pride but I had no one to go with. So I figured FUCK IT. Just because no one wants to fucking go with me doesn't mean I don't have to go. So I hopped into my Jeep (which my friends keep teasing me about because supposedly that's very butch of me) and headed to the train station.

And then I missed the train. And sat around for an hour until the next one came.

I walked my ass off in the scorching heat for many many many blocks, waited in a long line for my Pride wrist band, and at the entrance I found two of my favorite gay boys in the world-- Alex and Andrew. And then one friend after another started popping up everywhere. I had no idea how many gay people I know. How the fuck can you just go to Philadelphia and randomly run into like 20 people you know? It was so bizarre to me.

After all three of us got our fill of queens, kings, spray-tanned men walking around in tight briefs, women wearing only bras because it was too hot for shirts, rainbow dyed poodles, and a lady wearing only duct tape over her nipples screaming "I got lemonade on my tits," we went to get cheesesteaks and fucking randomly Keely happens to be walking by with her friend who makes balloon animals. So yeah, Keely had her friend make me a blue balloon flower and then we adopted her. Keely stayed with us the rest of the night.

We headed to the Gayborhood and got some drinks. Put a rainbow flag on our table and declared it the gayble. We just chilled for a few hours, got some more drinks. Giggled at the gay couples passing.

Then we went to a stoop. Yes, a stoop. There were about 10 lesbian hipsters chillin' on a random porch playing music and singing. We were offered beer and pizza from complete strangers. Someone busted out a hookah. It was the most relaxed atmosphere ever. We all sang along to songs and talked to random people passing by.

After that we went to a gay club. I had about six million shots from a little gay asian in tighty whities. I danced with Alex and it was fun. I happened across some more friends, randomly. Oh and Keely and I made eye contact with a bisexual man on a stripper pole and he motioned me to come over to dance with him. He was like a model, no fucking lie. And then he asked us to have a threesome with him. He was completely serious. It was intense.

And then we all sang along to Lady Gaga on the way home in Andrew's gay Prius. And at one point Alex was serenading me and Keely while we made out in the back seat. End of story.