thankful for that call

Battling a rough feeling right now. Let me put it this way... it's like your favorite person in the world just died. But then they're revived for a short second to get a few more words out. And then they die again.

Remember the friend I wrote about the in the previous post?

I was sitting on my futon eating crackers and watching The Office and the phone started ringing. I looked to see who it was. It was him.

I answered in a millisecond.

When he told me we couldn't be friends anymore, he still had my laptop in his possession. He said he would give it to his mom and I could pick it up from her. He was calling me to tell me that he didn't give it to her yet.

And then I changed the subject to his baby really quick so he couldn't escape me. We talked about how his parents reacted and how her parents reacted. About how the heck he managed to get her pregnant. We also talked about the past. And how we don't regret the past. About how it's kind of hilarious that she got pregnant in November and exactly a year before that we were still together. And then we talked about how he ripped out a piece of my heart when he told me that we couldn't be friends anymore. Because I don't have many friends. And my family is.. *sigh*

At the end of the conversation he said "I'll talk to you.. soon." He didn't mean soon. He hesitated because he knew he wouldn't be talking to me soon. And I could also tell that he was upset that he wouldn't be talking to me soon. It sounded like "soon" was a painful word.

I made him promise to tell me if it's a boy or a girl. And then before the call ended he sighed and said, "Nicole... if you ever really need me, you can call me."

*sigh* And now I'm crying. Really, losing a best friend is the worst thing that could happen to me. Because my friends are all that I have. I'm devastated. I told him I'm devastated and he said "I know."