The best feeling I could ever have.

Routine has not been a friend of mine. My coworker told me her boring routine today. "Wake up, work, home, make bed, cook dinner, television, sleep." She asked me what my routine is. I hesitated.

"Uh... well, I go to work every day.. and, uh... I wake up on Saturday and drink coffee. Sometimes."

Half of the time I don't even wake up in my own bed anymore, but rather, I wake up on a friend's couch with my hair pointing every which way, still in my work clothes. I like it this way.

Yesterday I went to Kevin's house and I changed my mind three times on the way there. I called him each time. "Nevermind, I'm coming." "Nevermind, I'm not coming." "Nevermind, I'm coming." When I got there, he laughed at me. I told him that I'm like a bird, I'm very flighty. He said he can't handle all of my flip flopping all of the time. I laughed. I told him that's why I'm staying single for the time being.

I've been drinking every night again, whether it be a cold Pabst, a glass of wine, or a Captain & coke. I hope my liver doesn't mind much. I only drink socially, however. The problem is, I'm around people most of the time. The other day I was at a bar wandering by myself while my friends were somewhere. I don't know, we often part ways and find each other again.

My friend is in a band and he was playing at the bar that night. I happened to see him sitting by the bar alone, beer in hand. As always, I drunkenly rambled and he listened patiently with a disinterested look on his face. (I'm very good at reading social cues and knowing when someone wants me to leave, however I usually ignore it because I don't care). But then I struck gold.

 I mentioned my passion--writing.

His eyes lit up like the Fourth of July as I talked about how writing makes me feel. Also, how music makes me feel and how it inspires my writing because it makes my heart feel so good. With my hand pressed tightly against my heart, eyebrows sinking to a "sad puppy" look, I begged for understanding and he understood. He knows what that feels like. To love something SO much that your soul would just die if someone took it away from you. You would be a soulless body. I could see the understanding in his eyes. People like us live for our passions.

So what's been occurring in the life of Nicole? A balancing act. Writing, shows, dancing until the bar closes, home cooked dinner with friends, glasses of wine paired with discussions about sexuality and politics, waking up on comfy couches, hardly ever going home after work, but sometimes still going home after work, hanging up new paintings, thrift store adventures, yoga, collecting little Ganesh statues, excessive consumption of PBR, and flirting with pretty girls that I have no intention of pursuing.