Always a tornado.

Things are changing rapidly because I am allowing them to.  As I just said, "There are dreamers and there are people who actually pursue opportunities that turn their dreams to reality. I don't want to be a dreamer."

I knew there was no room for growth at my current job so I applied for a position at a law firm.  Now I am a few days away from starting my new job as a paralegal.  Goodbye job, hello possible career.

I was recently asked to write for a book publishing company on the side and I agreed to do so.  Today I resigned from that opportunity.  It was not where I found my bliss.  I want to continue working on my own personal pieces and possibly collaborate with some friends on a LGBT blog.

Now, about my parents. Always a tough topic for me.  My dad and I are building a closer relationship.  He's been very supportive of my choices.  My mother and I aren't doing well because she's not supportive of my choices.  I don't care.  Not her life, and frankly, I am done with her putting me down when I know that I have a lot of reasons to be proud of myself.

I've been feeling a little bit scared here of late.  I'm scared because I don't know if I want to move.  I'm scared because I don't know if I will like my new job.  I'm scared because I'm afraid I won't get the same amount of overtime as my old job.  I'm scared because my mom hates me and I'm afraid she won't be there for me if I fall.  I'm scared because I'm up to my fucking neck in loans.  I'm scared because I really don't have anyone who has my back around here.  I live in a town where I don't really have anyone.  I have myself.  Me, myself, my tiny little apartment, and a best friend who doesn't really ...

I don't even know.  She's iffy.

I kind of feel like I'm being blown around by a tornado and eventually I'll find something to grab onto.  But in the meantime I'm just scared out of my mind.

Whenever life settles down, I have this tendency to stir things back up.  But winners are never idle.  I don't want to get comfortable in a shitty job and a shitty position in life and NOT pursue the writing career that fits me best.  I'm going to continue to stir things up until I'm content with the outcome.  This may take my whole life, but it will be worth every tornado.

You know, I often wonder if I'll ever be content.  Things always feel fine and dandy but then I stir shit up again.  Maybe being blown around wildly with nothing to grab onto is in my nature.

In other news, I've been really relating to "Nothing Gold Can Stay" by Robert Frost here of late.  His writing always helps me understand where I am in life.  Maybe one day my writing will help someone else understand where they are in life.