White wall, tan carpet neutral

I've been thinking a lot lately, I guess. Don't know how that's any different from any other time in my life.  It's always been natural for me to dissect every single situation in my life.  Sometimes this is bad, very bad.  Because sometimes I find things that would be better left unfound.

My throat hurts today and I'm very sick.  I'm sitting in my living room with lemonade, a blanket, and the comfiest snugglable throw pillows known to man.  All of my lights are off and the only light is natural light pouring in through my closed blinds.

I don't know, I feel like a mess.

I'm the luckiest girl on the planet.  I am.  I have the best friends a girl could ever ask for.  I don't know how I was lucky enough to stumble across them in my travels, but I did.  And I am so thankful for that.  So thankful that it hurts.

I sense change in my future. I can always feel it when it's coming.  It makes my left temple hurt.  It makes my eyes feel tired, it make me feel like the air pressure is going to squeeze my head to the point where it implodes.  It makes me not want to leave the house or talk to anyone.  It makes me want to jump out the window because I'm just so over challenges.

I do this to myself.  I fucking LOOK for obstacles, I swear.  And then when I'm face to face with a problem that's bigger than I ever intended it to be, I just want to curl up into my apartment and never ever leave.  As much as I love variety, pace changes, excitement, etc.. I hate when this happens.  When I'm faced with something so big that it can turn my life upside-fucking-down.

My face hurts.  My body hurts.  I don't want to go outside in the sun.  I don't want it to rain.  I don't want it to be cold. I don't want it to be hot.  I just want everything to be neutral.

Fucking white wall, tan carpet, black and gray pajamas, and a cup of tea NEUTRAL.