Boring is good

Today, I think, will be a day that will stay in my memory for years to come.  Like the day that Bruno told me to enjoy being single.  Like the day that I stood outside at 11th and Chestnut and figured out what life was all about.

I know it's corny to talk about Facebook but my status reads as follows: "Above all things, I must stay the little firecracker that I am. The world is dark enough- I need to keep lighting it up."  This status was a direct result of the following, which was an email I wrote to my coworker, Larry:

"And so it's happened.  I figured it all out.  Andrew still hurts.  All wounds take a while to heal.. But four people in a matter of 24 hours told me that my greatest quality is that I light up a room just by entering it.  I think that's my purpose.  A little lantern hopping from room to room.  I think I need to relight my lantern and start smiling again, because otherwise I'm like a superhero who doesn't use his/her superpowers."

His response, which was so totally Larry, was "I told you that months ago.  You just don't like it or remember when I say it."

I asked Ricky what her favorite thing about me is.  She said my "sunny disposition."

I have the best friends in the world.  Keith has been there for me, taking me out for Rita's and giving me sassy looks when I get too Debbie Downer on him.  Ricky has been hugging me when I cry, talking at about a million miles a second to keep my mind off of what happened.

I have come to peace with what has happened.  Mostly because I'm not sad about losing Andrew, per se.  I think he has a broken soul and I think he needs to go fix that on his own without any more of my help.  I think I was a stepping stone for him, and I am thankful to have led someone in the right direction.  At least I hope with every piece of my broken heart that I did.  Today I told him that if he ever needs a friend, I'm here.  He said that I'm sweet and thanked me.  Then he told me that the same goes for me as well.

I wish absolutely nothing but the best for him. And if he ever needs me, I definitely WILL be there.

But you know what, I think he was a necessary step for me to get to where I'm going too.  One day I'll look back and understand why I had to deal with all of this pain.  You live, you learn.

Some bits of things that people told me over the last 24 hours.

Lynna: "You are SO young.  And you should NEVER settle because you are awesome and should be with someone who can totally appreciate all of the awesomeoness you have and keep up with you!  You are a person who just enjoys life and being happy.  I promise you it gets better!  The 20s are seriously the worst.  Dating sucks because everyone is going through this weird 'who am I' period and therefore relationships suffer because when you think you know what you want, it changes.  Plus you feel pressure to settle down because other people are and then in your 30s all of your friends who got married in the 20s will be getting divorced.  So don't fall victim to the pressure!  Do your own thing and keep your mind open.  You will triumph in the end!  I was pretty much engaged to another guy at 25 before Hugh and I am so glad that at 30, I'm still not married and still live life like I'm 20.  All of my friends are married and think I'm weird but I don't care. I just don't want you to be sad. My dad told me to stop focusing on finding a relationship and finding the one and just focus on myself.  When you truly focus on YOU, someone will notice that and when you least expect it, that someone will come your way."

I responded with "I guess I'll just keep doing my thing.  Shows and beer and smiles."

Her response:  "Exactly!  That's the Nicole we love!"

Megan: "Not all girls are dinosaurs but the ones who are, are awesome.  And you'll find another dinosaur who will make your heart roar.

Alyssa:  "You are such a sweet and easy going person, there is no way you won't find someone else!  Focus on your self for now and they will come along when you least expect it."

Marie:  "Nicole you are a beautiful person inside and out.  You have yet to reach your potential.  You will continue to grow and change throughout your entire life. You will take these difficult times to grow.  You already have."

Keith:  "I enjoyed seeing you smile tonight. Continue to be happy and only great things will happen."

And what I texted to Nikki, about myself:

"I really think I should stop comparing my life to others.  I am Nicole. I am crazy.  I am fun.  I am a mess.  I spill beer on strangers.  I smile often and I'm smart- so I should find a good job, but otherwise it's not a big deal cause Nicole isn't like other young professionals. And first and foremost... I can survive being single because I was put on this earth to make others smile.And right now I don't think I can handle two responsibilities.. making people smile AND being a girlfriend. I need to be myself a little bit longer and eventually someone will gravitate towards my light.  I needed to date Andrew to rebuild my relationship with my siblings. I needed to date Andrew to realize that my career is just a job. I needed to date Andrew to to realize that my purpose in life is to make others smile. And I needed to date Andrew to realize that things happen for a reason and also when they're good and ready."

I'm going to be okay.  I have a good head on my shoulders, mom always told me that.  And dad always told me that everything's gonna be alright.  And one day my life is going to be boring.  Good boring.

Like dad said, "Boring is good."