Roadblocks

Tonight was beautiful.  I cruised through Germantown with my windows cracked.  I hummed along to some good music.  I observed the wear and tear of the streets on the faces of passersby.  I pulled over for cop cars and ambulances, thanking the universe for giving me such a great life.  I'm healthy, I have a great family who supports me, I have amazing friends who always have my back.

Things are great.

I made an executive decision to evaluate my career in about a year and determine whether or not I should take the LSAT and then apply for law school.  I believe I am perfectly capable, so why not?  My career is very important to who I am as a person.  I believe that I am not done yet.  I still have more stairs to climb and more mountain tops to reach.

I am ready for a challenge.  I can handle anything at this point.  ANYTHING.

After I drove around Germantown I popped a squat in a more tame section of the city, Roxborough.  I talked to a man at the counter of the Dunkin Donuts, I analyzed the woman standing on the side of the street blankly staring into space.  I stayed under an orange-yellow street lamp and tried to write, but didn't get disappointed in myself when I couldn't.  I know this stuff comes when it's ready to come.

You can't rush it.  You can't rush anything.  Good things come to people who wait.

I need to wait.  I need to wait for a relationship because I am still building who I am- I will not be who I truly am until I am fully comfortable relaxing in a particular place of employment.  I need to continue my education, I need to continue to connect with my family, I need to continue to gather lifelong friendships, I need to continue to put my focus into my writing and perfecting myself at my job, and then, one day a long time from now, if I still feel like it...

Then I'll consider a relationship.

But who knows. I don't need anyone to make myself feel complete.  I don't need a man for a house.  I don't need a man for a child.  I can do all of this shit on my own.  I always did up until now.  A man will probably just get in the way.