Sunlight

I have respect for both my body and my soul.  I haven't realized the love that I have for myself up until recently.  I love my pale skin and I stopped going tanning in 2006 because I don't want skin cancer.  I loved getting drunk in 2011 but now I have one drink a week because I know that alcoholism is not a good look and I love my little liver nestled somewhere in my tiny body.  I thought inhalants were great in high school but now I won't even sit in a freshly painted room because I cherish my valuable little brain cells.  And weed was cool and all, but I won't do that because I care too much about my career and I'd love to keep my excellent work ethic.

I care about myself a lot and I have a lot to be proud about.  I'm educated, I'm healthy, I make good decisions, I have great hobbies, I stay active, I have tight abs forming around my tiny tummy. I have boys who chase me  A few of them.  But I respect myself enough to stay away from hookups, because I care about my sexual health and I believe that someone must love all of me, not just my body, to deserve that piece of me.  I also care about other people.  I know that if I were to lead these boys on, that would not be good for them either.  So I am honest about my feelings or lackthereof.  And if they don't get that, at that point that is their own fault.

I take pride in my work and I do the best that I can do when I am at the law firm.  I take my time.  I check my sentences, I double check with coworkers on the new procedures that I'm learning, I give my new attorney a big smile whenever I get the chance.  I strive to work harder.  When a girl at work says to me, "I think he's overwhelming you" I think to myself, "honey, I can do so much more than this."

I look at life like a video game.  I am constantly seeking a chance to make it to the next level, which is why I am looking into taking the LSAT and going to law school.  I want to have a nice life when I'm older which is why in addition to advancing in my career, I finally decided to start saving for retirement.  My next big goal is to pay down my loans to a comfortable level and then possibly purchase a home.

I stand up for myself.  When people talk me down, I no longer let it tear at my soul because I know that my soul is fine.  I stand up for my decisions because each one was made with care and no one has the right to put me down when I work so hard to live a respectable, balanced life.  I am comfortable with who I am and people may judge me all they want behind closed doors, but if they say it to my face, they better be ready for a difficult battle.

I think that I'm a strong, independent, intelligent, ambitious, positive woman who deserves more growth.  I am not ready for my soulmate to come marching through the doors.  Maybe in a few years when I'm graduating from law school and I have my savings built up and I have even more friends than I already have.  I'm not done yet, universe, please let me continue to grow.  I make the right decisions, I take good care of myself.. please continue to help me find the beautiful things in my future.

Also, I want so much to be a better person.  Every day I look around and try to find ways to be better and have a positive impact on those around me.  I love each day on this planet and I want to share that feeling with other people. And I want to do it because that's who I am, not because I believe that karma will bite me in the ass otherwise.  That IS who I am.  When I was in middle school and high school I remember I would spend all of my allowance money on my friends and good causes.  I raised money for other people regularly by doing volunteer events.

That is who I am.  And I want to find that person within my soul again.  I want to be a good person who makes good financial decisions but also doesn't forget to be good to other human beings as well who aren't as fortunate as me.  I lucked out.  I had two parents who helped me make my way through college and were supportive the whole way.  Not everyone was dealt with the hand that I was given and I need to remember that every single day and pay it back to the ones who aren't as lucky.  I don't just mean monetarily.  Money is just money.  I just want to be a good person and help strangers, talk people into good decisions and just be nice.  Being nice keeps me happy and makes other people happy as well.

Andrew is the reason why I look around each day and see all of the beautiful things that are around me.  I am so thankful.  Sometimes first you have to see the darkness to see the beatiful bright sunlight.  There is so much sunlight in my world these days.  I see it in my parents' beautiful smiles.