The sidewalks

I'm 26 years young and I'm in the best shape of my life.  My size 0 pants are running a little loose, I'm sitting here with a nice nutritious vegetarian breakfast like every morning.  I feel like a woman and I love it.  For the first time in my life I am looking in the mirror and I see that the baby fat has dissipated and my chin bone appears more angular and wide than ever before.  I love that.  I literally look in the mirror and smile.  I think, "I've really come into womanhood gracefully."

And I'm so excited for my future.  Being the best personal injury paralegal I can be.  Going to law school.  Working either at a law firm as an attorney or at a college as a professor.  And one day the grays will start popping up in my hair and I'm going to love and embrace them with every piece of my beating heart.

And as for my soul, as stated previously I am trying so hard to be a better person.  I see great improvement in myself, I do, but I know that I still have a long way to go.  I'll never be perfect, I know that, but I want to be proud of my actions and the thoughts that float through my head.

And more importantly, when I do start dating someone, (hopefully not for a long time), I need to make sure that they bring out the best in me.  Andrew did not make me a better person.  I want someone who does.  There were problems with my relationship with Kevin, but he at least made me a better person.

So I'm sitting here with a cup of coffee and Ricky and Sivan are upstairs sleeping.  Sivan is a cute little queer from Brooklyn that came down for Trans-Health Conference.  I have a lot of queer/trans friends so this conference is always a "thing."  Every year. "Are you going to trans-health?!" "Are you going to trans-health?!?!" "Hey Nicole, trans-health?!?!"

This morning I'm wearing short shorts because it's a nice temperature in our cute little rowhome.  My healthy plump bum bum cheeks are falling out but I'm letting them run wild because I like them.  I walked out to the compost pile this morning to dispose of some nectarine pieces and as always, the neighbors were all walking their dogs and smiling at me as they went by with a friendly "good morning."

I love this city, I do. Last night I sat at a bar in center city with my best friend sitting diagonally across from me.  She thanked me for coming out.  I thanked her for inviting me.  And as I walked back to the car about a block ahead of the little group of queers, I had a smile on my face.  I thought to myself, "I feel like these sidewalks are mine."

I'm pretty sure they are.

Anyway, time for some meditation followed by yoga in my underwear.  Then vegetarian food fest and a show in nolibs.  It's a beautiful day.  Oh and my roommate accuses me of being "woo woo" lately.  I blame the psychic.