Dating a black guy.

My mom came out for me today. It was amusing. I was sitting down, eating lunch with my parents and grandmother. My dad got up to go to the bathroom.

Mom: Something's up.
Me: I feel like you can read my mind.
Mom: You're my daughter, I know you.
Me: I wonder what you think it is.
Mom: I have a few things in mind. There is one thing in particular that I don't want it to be. I would be very disappointed.
Me: It's most likely that one thing you don't want it to be.
Mom: *look of death* You're like Rocky and Angie aren't you.
(Rocky and Angie are my lesbian cousins)
Me: *coughs and chokes and laughs hysterically*
Mom: I am so disappointed
Me: *laughs even more*

And now I have to share the best part. My grandmother was so confused during the whole conversation. She kept saying "What?" And then at the end of the conversation she goes...

"Wait, so you're dating a black guy?"

My Association.

I've been trying to tell my mom I'm a lesbian for a very long time. And it's one of those things where I can't because she knows I'm trying to tell her but she doesn't want me to tell her, so she changes the subject. I kid you fucking not, I just had this conversation with her:

Mom: How was your weekend?
Me: Great. I went to go see Megan in Reading.
Mom: That's too far away.
Me: But she's worth it. And she comes to see me several times a week.
Mom: There was an earthquake in Japan.

Seriously, it's impossible to not die of laughter when I have these conversations with my mom, and it's a daily thing. Anyway, my Saturday with Megan was.. fascinating. Too many funny moments.

Remember how I said she's practically like a girlfriend but not really? Because we don't want to make it official? Because I'm selfish and I want to be free of anyone's control? Well yeah, it's hilarious because people don't know what to call us.

Megan's friend introducing me to someone: "This is Megan's.. um.. they're associated. Or whatever the fuck they call it."

Anyway, in other news, today I had to make a phone call at work to some guy named Weedy and I burst into laughter after I said "I'm calling for Weedy." It was the longest 30 seconds of my life.

Snapshot of My Life

I've had a blog/diary since I was about 10 or so, and now and then I read my past and it makes me feel great about my journey through life. One day I might wonder where I am right now. So I thought I'd make a little entry about what my life is like right now:

Right now I am 23. And I fucking kid you not, I had to subtract 1988 from 2011 to figure that out because I totally forgot.

I live in a house with two friends of the male variety. I am single but .. eh .. something .. I don't know what .. with Megan. We're not dating. Technically. We're just friends who act like we're dating. Minus all of the bullshit.

I work at an insurance company. Get ready to giggle.. the insurance company for Uhaul. I know, the only way it gets more lesbian than that is if I were a mechanic for Uhaul. Which, by the way, I went to the repair center to check out some smashed up Uhauls today and totally met a lesbian mechanic. She was shy and it was cute.

What else? I love dancing. I go out most Fridays to dance with Keith. Sometimes with his crazy guy friends as well. I'm usually the only girl and I think they're afraid of me. No lie. I try to talk to them and they shut down. I say "Hey what's up?" and it's like I gave them a difficult riddle to solve. Keith said they don't know how to talk to women.

I visit my grandmother, mom, and dad most Saturdays. I typically go out with Alex and his boyfriend for breakfast, which is nice. And then when they fight, Alex and I go out to a club and get completely hammered and wake him up at 4 in the morning and get yelled at.

That only happened once though. lol!

I feel pretty fulfilled at this point in my life. I live with friends, I hang out with the people that I care about on a daily basis, I got a girl who always puts a smile on my face, I'm doing the whole independent adult thing and I'm still not living in a box and begging people for pennies..

It's great. And I know that my life is only going to get better. I feel so free. No one is judging me. I haven't felt that way in years. I can do whatever I want.

And this is TOTALLY out of fucking left field.. I kind of want a tattoo. Hm. Didn't see that one coming in a million years, that's for sure.

Soft hands and it feels good

My life is ridiculous. Let me set the scene. It's 11pm, I'm sick, just got back from a "date," I'm laying in bed trying to fall asleep. All of a sudden I hear Rihanna's "S&M" blasting in the hallway and loud boy footsteps running towards the door.

Next thing I know I have two boys in bed with me, humping my legs while singing "3" by Britney Spears.

Living with boys is too much fun. None of that stupid drama shit. Just constant amusing insanity.

We were in the basement playing pool. Next thing you know, I look at the futon and two of the three boys down in the basement with me were RUBBING EACH OTHER'S NIPPLES AHHHH. Keep in mind, these are straight guys. All of a sudden one yells, "It's not gay! I'm just saying. Soft hands and it feels good, but it's not gay!"

I ran to the other side of the room and told them that it was even too gay for me.

My life is too funny. I need to contact MTV about a reality show...

Like Turtles

I have my best friends back home. You know, Alex, Nick, Amanda, and the other ones I've mentioned here and there. And I was scared when I broke up with Kevin because I had no best friends to hang out with here.

Now I have two new best friends to hang out with here. Keith and Megan.

Keith was best friends with Kevin. Then I broke up with Kevin and Keith quickly moved into best friend status for me. We love to dance, we love music, we love Taco Bell, and we love ladies. It's a best friend match made in heaven.

And then there's Megan. To make a long story short, we met, we hung out a lot, she always makes me laugh, and she's my cuddle buddy. If I wanted a girlfriend, it would be her. But I'm too busy enjoying my freedom. And she's cool with that.

It makes me like her more.

Anyway, last night was fun. Keith went to Parx to see The Situation. Yes, The actual Situation from Jersey Shore. How gay is that?! That's why I love Keith. But yeah, after he got a glimpse of Mr. Abs, he pulled into my driveway with four random guys. I was scooped up, gained automatic shotty, and we headed to a fucking mansion.

No lie.

It didn't look like a mansion on the outside but then I got inside and holy fucking crap. Biggest, nicest house I've ever been in in my entire life. Absolutely gorgeous. After taking some shots in the basement, we headed to a club and danced our butts off, as always.

Then we drunkenly got pizza, nearly got pulled over by a suspicious cop, dragged ourselves into my house at 4:00 in the morning, and went to the basement. There's a heat lamp in the basement above the jacuzzi tub. We turned it on and laid under it on the floor for what felt like forever. Then I somehow made it to my bedroom.

Typical Friday night.

Pulling it out on stage

I've always received random compliments from strangers, as I'm sure most people do. You know, when you walk into a gas station and someone tells you "you have beautiful eyes" or they randomly greet you with "hey gorgeous!"

Well, as soon as I became single, these compliments tripled. Singleness must add a special glow to me or something.

I went to a club with Keith and we danced for hours straight after taking a few shots and I swear, so many men were trying to steal me from him. Now of course, I'm a lesbian, but as everyone knows, it's nice to be wanted.

By the end of the night I had one guy dancing behind me and one guy dancing in front of me (who I managed to lure over from the other side of the club). In the meantime I creepily stared down girls on either side of me. Muhahhahha.

I know, I'm awful.

In other news, I went to see my friend's band and he was up on stage. Not thinking he had his cell phone, I texted him, "Play at more bars so I can get wasted." As it turns out, his phone was in his back pocket. He fucking pulls it out on stage, looks at me, and bursts into laughter.

It made my night.

Blah

You know you had a good night when you wake up the next day in your clothes with a cult symbol on your hand that transferred to your face.

Too funny.

Keith and I went to see a show which was awesome. The music was great. It was in the middle of fucking nowhere. And there were only hipsters. Young hipsters. I'm cool with older hipsters but young hipsters have the "I'm too cool for everyone and I stick to my clique" mentality.

I hate people like that. I like to mingle. And mingling is impossible when everyone is stuck up and anti-social.

After the show we went to a bar known for it's lesbian crowd and then this nifty little club in a basement. We got very very drunk and then ate tons of food.

I fell asleep half on an ottoman and half on a couch. What a ridiculous night.

Reading over this, I sound really boring.

I Think I'm Stuck

I'm a very lucky girl. I love my life with all of my heart, as weird as that may sound. I'm just so incredibly happy about everything. I have the best friends that a girl could ask for, both back home and here, and I'm grateful for every single second of my life.

Now, if you thought that was corny sounding, wait till I get to the second part.

A girl is tugging at my heart. Already. And I like it and I don't like it at the same time. I was just getting cozy in my new found independence and a girl that keeps a smile on my face every freaking minute of the day comes along and knocks me off of my feet.

*sigh*

Why me?

Something Wrong With Mine Too

It was a Friday night. I asked my best friend Alex and his boyfriend to hang out with me. Alex said, “Yes, Saturday at noon.”

Saturday morning I drive the 65 miles to his house and I text him as I’m parking. “I’m parking.” His response, “Crap.” I ask him what’s wrong.

“I’m in Florida.”

I know Alex way too well so I head up to his front door and knock. Ten minutes later he opens the door wearing Spider-Man pajamas with his hair standing straight up and empty liquor bottles all over the floor.

Yup, that’s my Alex. Hungover. Not a shock.

It was a fun night. We got completely wasted, went to a gay bar, went to a straight club, danced with strangers and barely made it into his house alive. Nothing too abnormal for an Alex date. We even hung out with our other best friend, Amanda, who is going crazy. She has something wrong with her brain, literally (so don’t laugh).

But I get to tease her about it because I’m her best friend. “Nicole, the doctor said something is wrong with my brain.” “Um, I knew that already. There’s always been something wrong with your brain."

She laughed at me.

But really though, I’m really scared for her. She means the world to me.

Ukranian Lumberjacks

Um. I went to a lumberjack party in the mountains last night. Imagine plaid shirts, mullets, work boots, axes, and Bisquick bottles hanging from belt loops.

I got really wasted, really really wasted up in the valley with my friend Nick and some random guy named Francisco. Next thing you know, I'm in a car following a pickup truck packed with couches driven by a Ukrainian guy named Vlad.

It was right off of the side of the mountain in front of a factory. There were tons of drunken lunatics there. I sat on a couch in front of a bonfire for at least an hour and saw 3 people fall into the fire. No lie.

Funniest shit ever: Some random drunk bitch yells "Avatar!" and attempts to run across the fire and falls head first into it. Then she army crawled out of it. Her shoes melted and her pants were all black. She wasn't the brightest crayon in the box.

And I've never seen so many gross, hairy, pale boy butts before in my life. There was no bathroom nearby so everyone was peeing in the woods. And the men thought it would be necessary to drop their pants to the ground when they had to take a piss. Thanks for making me more of a lesbian.

Within five minutes of being there I noticed a girl. I knew I would find a way to get her over to me. Next thing you know she's "keeping me warm" in front of the fire and asking me to go with her to a diner. She was nuts. She literally just popped a squat right next to me and peed. Everyone watched and she just went on to explain how her underwear don't go well with her jeans.

What a ridiculous night.

I left once they set all the couches on fire. I knew the cops would be there soon.