Scheiße

I feel so strong here of late. Like the only person who can knock me down is myself. This is the way to be. I've always craved this freedom and self-reliability.

Anyway, I was allowed to join in on man-time Sunday night. The boys usually have a no-lesbian policy. Our night consisted of hookah, homemade bread, tiki torches, a trip to Manayunk for some shots, and midnight waffles with lingonberry syrup.

Best of all, the boys didn't regret inviting me.

Keith got so wasted and he just speaks so incredibly fast without thinking when he's drunk. We were in the car and there was a weird smell from the outside and drunk Kevin said "Keith farted" and without any effort at all Keith just blurts out "I swear to fuck on the Spaghetti Jesus God I did not fart!"

Seriously? Who comes back with something like that in less than a second?

But anyway, Saturday night was nice. I spent time with Keith, Tom, Katelyn, and way too many vodka shots. We went to New Hope. Which was gay. No pun intended. But really though, it was nice going out for drinks with some straight friends while also being surrounded by rainbow flags and old queens. I drank so incredibly much. I really wonder how I can consume so much alcohol without puking all over.

Really. I'm a tiny girl. Sometimes it goes straight to me, but most of the time I can drink pretty much for a girl of my size.

When I date a girl, one of the requirements is that she is not a light weight. I know that's weird, but light weights aren't attractive to me. I like a girl who can drink. It's kind of like how helpless women aren't attractive to me. I like a woman who can take care of herself.

And holy mother fucking shit I am just rambling and rambling.

In other news, I started working out again and after four days I already lost three pounds. My body is just made to be fit, I swear. It takes no time for me to whip back into shape.

Ice Wine

Last night was the most relaxing, yet fun night I've had in a long time. I met up with my friend Keely at an Irish pub. Her friend Troy tagged along. Within five minutes of being in the pub we met three people who hung out with us and acted like they knew us their entire lives.

One of them turns to Keely, who is obviously gay, and goes, "So I'm guessing you're a lesbian, right?"

Which led to a lot of funny questions that men typically ask lesbians. We ended up getting free shots out of it.

At one point one of the guys goes, "I bet girls are a lot more in touch with what makes another girl feel good. Us guys are all *rubs my head in a very vicious fashion while moaning* 'why isn't she feeling this?!' "

Too funny. They were even more amused after they found out that I was a lesbian too. They asked if me if I was Keely's girlfriend. Troy cut in and yelled, "No I'm Keely's girlfriend!"

Keely and Troy were so much fun. Vegetarian hipsters. Keely is all feminist and whatnot, you can tell. You walk into her apartment and it's covered in paintings and pictures of women being all strong. I actually love it. Her apartment is so awesome.

We played scrabble, drank ice wine, and walked her dog. Overall it was a very nice night.

Chocolate covered 4am swamp adventures

Keith and I have had so many drunken adventures. We had a new one last night. We got lost in a swamp in the woods in a storm at 4 in the morning drenched in hot chocolate. We had to use his iPhone light to navigate. It took us forever to get out. Or as Keith put it, "I feel like we just walked to fucking Mecca."

There was an abandoned building on the way and I'm not going to lie, it made me a bit nervous. Despite our location, I've seen homeless people wander this far from the city. I don't want to die soaking wet and drunk in a swamp drenched in hot chocolate while being knifed by a homeless man. That wouldn't be cool.

My roommate ended up on the VIP list for a Maxim party last night and so we got home to a fully awake house with some random stranger on the front lawn.

"Hi my name is Nicole and I live here." I shook his hand. And then he hooked up with some girl out there. So random. We locked them out but an always-shirtless guy named Averil that was hanging out at the house let the girl in to sleep on our couch.

That guy is always shirtless, I swear. He's like some Abercromie & Fitch type that I even see driving shirtless. With his Aviators on. Nice guy though.

Keith fell asleep on my floor in soaking wet chocolate covered clothes and he was snoring so loud. All night I was throwing things at him to get him to stop. We had so much fun last night. We went to a dingy 1%er bar and danced our butts off. We were the only two dancing. It was fun.

Then we rocked out to the Backstreet Boys in the back seat of Shannon's car.

Keith: "Is it gay that I know all of the words to these songs?"
Me: "Yes Keith. You're such a lesbian."

Marinated in beer

My friend Keith is known around town as Badass. When I go out dancing with him on Fridays, I hear "Badass" coming from all directions. However, in our household he's known as Drama. He is the most dramatic guy I've ever met. Here's a prime example:

Keith, Nikki and I were in Philadelphia on our way home from Bruno's show. Keith was stopped at a red light texting a girl that he likes.

Me: "Keeeeeith! Is that your girrrrrl?! You better share her with me!"

Bam. That's all it took. Next thing I know, all of our friends are approaching me about how Keith thinks I'm trying to steal his lady and how I want a threesome or a polygamous relationship with him. Kevin said he stomped into the kitchen and angrily said, "Yo, I think Nicole wants to have sex with my girl. That's FUCKED up!"

We just laugh at him. We corner him, call him out, and then joke about it.

Anyway, last night was fucking amazing. I went out with Keith, Kevin, Shannon, and Alex. Shannon knew the bartender so I had drinks getting handed to me every 10 minutes. Not to mention that the boys kept giving me sips of their drinks while I was dancing with them. We all danced our butts off.

At one point Alex tried pouring his beer into my mouth and I had a bit of an explosion which left me absolutely drenched in Corona. Shirt, bra, pants, hair.. everywhere. I laughed and kept dancing.

I woke up at 7 in the morning fully clothed, still damp from beer, and pulled myself into work.

Best. Cinco de Mayo. EVER.

Oh and Drama and I celebrated our unbirthday yesterday:

Real again

To say that my life is ridiculous is an understatement, to be quite honest. I don't know what happened over the last few months, but whatever it is, I like it. I feel so free and real. I haven't felt free and real since the beginning of 2006.

Dating a black guy.

My mom came out for me today. It was amusing. I was sitting down, eating lunch with my parents and grandmother. My dad got up to go to the bathroom.

Mom: Something's up.
Me: I feel like you can read my mind.
Mom: You're my daughter, I know you.
Me: I wonder what you think it is.
Mom: I have a few things in mind. There is one thing in particular that I don't want it to be. I would be very disappointed.
Me: It's most likely that one thing you don't want it to be.
Mom: *look of death* You're like Rocky and Angie aren't you.
(Rocky and Angie are my lesbian cousins)
Me: *coughs and chokes and laughs hysterically*
Mom: I am so disappointed
Me: *laughs even more*

And now I have to share the best part. My grandmother was so confused during the whole conversation. She kept saying "What?" And then at the end of the conversation she goes...

"Wait, so you're dating a black guy?"

My Association.

I've been trying to tell my mom I'm a lesbian for a very long time. And it's one of those things where I can't because she knows I'm trying to tell her but she doesn't want me to tell her, so she changes the subject. I kid you fucking not, I just had this conversation with her:

Mom: How was your weekend?
Me: Great. I went to go see Megan in Reading.
Mom: That's too far away.
Me: But she's worth it. And she comes to see me several times a week.
Mom: There was an earthquake in Japan.

Seriously, it's impossible to not die of laughter when I have these conversations with my mom, and it's a daily thing. Anyway, my Saturday with Megan was.. fascinating. Too many funny moments.

Remember how I said she's practically like a girlfriend but not really? Because we don't want to make it official? Because I'm selfish and I want to be free of anyone's control? Well yeah, it's hilarious because people don't know what to call us.

Megan's friend introducing me to someone: "This is Megan's.. um.. they're associated. Or whatever the fuck they call it."

Anyway, in other news, today I had to make a phone call at work to some guy named Weedy and I burst into laughter after I said "I'm calling for Weedy." It was the longest 30 seconds of my life.

Snapshot of My Life

I've had a blog/diary since I was about 10 or so, and now and then I read my past and it makes me feel great about my journey through life. One day I might wonder where I am right now. So I thought I'd make a little entry about what my life is like right now:

Right now I am 23. And I fucking kid you not, I had to subtract 1988 from 2011 to figure that out because I totally forgot.

I live in a house with two friends of the male variety. I am single but .. eh .. something .. I don't know what .. with Megan. We're not dating. Technically. We're just friends who act like we're dating. Minus all of the bullshit.

I work at an insurance company. Get ready to giggle.. the insurance company for Uhaul. I know, the only way it gets more lesbian than that is if I were a mechanic for Uhaul. Which, by the way, I went to the repair center to check out some smashed up Uhauls today and totally met a lesbian mechanic. She was shy and it was cute.

What else? I love dancing. I go out most Fridays to dance with Keith. Sometimes with his crazy guy friends as well. I'm usually the only girl and I think they're afraid of me. No lie. I try to talk to them and they shut down. I say "Hey what's up?" and it's like I gave them a difficult riddle to solve. Keith said they don't know how to talk to women.

I visit my grandmother, mom, and dad most Saturdays. I typically go out with Alex and his boyfriend for breakfast, which is nice. And then when they fight, Alex and I go out to a club and get completely hammered and wake him up at 4 in the morning and get yelled at.

That only happened once though. lol!

I feel pretty fulfilled at this point in my life. I live with friends, I hang out with the people that I care about on a daily basis, I got a girl who always puts a smile on my face, I'm doing the whole independent adult thing and I'm still not living in a box and begging people for pennies..

It's great. And I know that my life is only going to get better. I feel so free. No one is judging me. I haven't felt that way in years. I can do whatever I want.

And this is TOTALLY out of fucking left field.. I kind of want a tattoo. Hm. Didn't see that one coming in a million years, that's for sure.

Soft hands and it feels good

My life is ridiculous. Let me set the scene. It's 11pm, I'm sick, just got back from a "date," I'm laying in bed trying to fall asleep. All of a sudden I hear Rihanna's "S&M" blasting in the hallway and loud boy footsteps running towards the door.

Next thing I know I have two boys in bed with me, humping my legs while singing "3" by Britney Spears.

Living with boys is too much fun. None of that stupid drama shit. Just constant amusing insanity.

We were in the basement playing pool. Next thing you know, I look at the futon and two of the three boys down in the basement with me were RUBBING EACH OTHER'S NIPPLES AHHHH. Keep in mind, these are straight guys. All of a sudden one yells, "It's not gay! I'm just saying. Soft hands and it feels good, but it's not gay!"

I ran to the other side of the room and told them that it was even too gay for me.

My life is too funny. I need to contact MTV about a reality show...

Like Turtles

I have my best friends back home. You know, Alex, Nick, Amanda, and the other ones I've mentioned here and there. And I was scared when I broke up with Kevin because I had no best friends to hang out with here.

Now I have two new best friends to hang out with here. Keith and Megan.

Keith was best friends with Kevin. Then I broke up with Kevin and Keith quickly moved into best friend status for me. We love to dance, we love music, we love Taco Bell, and we love ladies. It's a best friend match made in heaven.

And then there's Megan. To make a long story short, we met, we hung out a lot, she always makes me laugh, and she's my cuddle buddy. If I wanted a girlfriend, it would be her. But I'm too busy enjoying my freedom. And she's cool with that.

It makes me like her more.

Anyway, last night was fun. Keith went to Parx to see The Situation. Yes, The actual Situation from Jersey Shore. How gay is that?! That's why I love Keith. But yeah, after he got a glimpse of Mr. Abs, he pulled into my driveway with four random guys. I was scooped up, gained automatic shotty, and we headed to a fucking mansion.

No lie.

It didn't look like a mansion on the outside but then I got inside and holy fucking crap. Biggest, nicest house I've ever been in in my entire life. Absolutely gorgeous. After taking some shots in the basement, we headed to a club and danced our butts off, as always.

Then we drunkenly got pizza, nearly got pulled over by a suspicious cop, dragged ourselves into my house at 4:00 in the morning, and went to the basement. There's a heat lamp in the basement above the jacuzzi tub. We turned it on and laid under it on the floor for what felt like forever. Then I somehow made it to my bedroom.

Typical Friday night.